Remember

You've had a breakdown. You might have known it was coming, and

here it is.

It's become an image. It's become your tool for grabbing "success."
You've become so caught up with comparing yourself to your peers, judging your "worth" as far as society is concerned, you've lost sight of what it was originally for.

It was never for anyone else but you. You were never supposed to play to an audience, shock people into new modes of awareness.

You were a kid with an imagination, telling yourself stories.

All that shit you thought you wanted, were brainwashed into thinking you wanted, that's not for you.

You didn't care about any of that shit.
You were above it.

Remember when it was something you did to entertain yourself? To imagine new realities because your current one sucked?

You've been out of touch with reality for years now. Your reality has been a lie, an illusion crafted by you, a joke. It was never meant for you.

Remember when you didn't have the internet? Remember when you didn't have a portable, easy-access means of comparing yourself with your peers? Remember when you weren't plugged into an electronic social network? Remember when you didn't have all these various online portals you used to validate your worth as a human being?

Remember when you weren't pressured into achieving certain rewards by a certain age?

Remember when you were self-motivated?

Remember when you didn't have to worry about putting up a facade?

Remember when you had all the time in the world?

Remember when writing wasn't easy,
(it's never been easy)
but you braved the obstacles anyway to write something nobody but you was ever going to see?

Remember the enjoyment of it? Remember when it wasn't your job?

Why do you keep trying to fool yourself? You've never felt like an adult in your entire life, and you never will.